A Question! I'm asked a Question! Existence: Validated!

One of the joys of having a blog is connect and communicate with other pilgrims on the same journey. In this case, I've shared this blog with a few folks I know and I've already made a connection!

And not just a view or two -- that validation that every blog author loves: a question!

As every writer knows, being asked a question is one of the ultimate forms of validation. It not only means that your work has touched someone intellectually and -- perhaps -- spiritually, but it means that the querent respects your knowledge and, I dare say, insight enough to value you as a source of enlightenment, even  (one imagines) furthering of their own spiritual journey.

In this spirit, and having just read a lesson on the virtue of Humility, I will now ponder the question I am asked.

Reader Marco, on October 15th asks:

"who would win in a fight? dracula vs. screwtape"

Dracula vs. Screwtape

A fight between Dracula and Screwtape would take place on both a spiritual and physical plane. To predict the outcome we have to look at both of these. Let's start with physical battle. 

Physical Warfare

Dracula has a physical form -- Screwtape is proud that he doesn't. Yes, Dracula can turn into mist, but that's still physical. It's moist. If you can feel it, there you go. You can't punch Screwtape, or kick him, or bite him, so Dracula's enhanced physical strength is no real advantage here.

But can Screwtape directly affect the physical plane? It's not entirely clear. In the book demons of his ilk don't (up to chapter 15), but that doesn't mean they can't -- they've been forbidden from directly showing their existence. Maybe they could manifest as a 20 meter tall flaming red man with a pitchfork...

But I doubt it. Biblically, spirits can take up residence in people. Even if Screwtape can't manifest in a physical way, he could probably possess someone (if he was willing to break orders) and have them lob garlic at Dracula. How effective this might be is anyone's guess, but it's probably not decisive.

Still...

 Advantage: Screwtape

Spiritual Warfare

Most of the battle would take place on the spiritual plane where it's not clear Dracula can really play. He has sort of hypnotic eyes, but he was able to make Renfield eat a bug... not so impressive.

On the other hand, Screwtape is a master of Spiritual warfare. He's able to see into men's souls and tempt them mercilessly. Dracula is all about the nubile maidens and blood so he's hardly beyond temptation. He'd be vulnerable to Screwtape's whispers and as a fallen, demonic creature, himself, he'd receive no divine protection.

Advantage: Screwtape

And the Winner Is...

Dracula, obviously. Screwtape is a mid-level bureaucrat who oversees a division dedicated to corrupting already-fallen, self-corrupting creatures with virtually no natural (or, for a great many of them) spiritual defenses against him. His whole deal is that he preys on the weak.

He's obviously chummy and comfortable, and quite confident in his abilities.

Dracula, on the other hand, is Vlad III, Prince of Wallachia, who spent his life fighting wars with people waiting to betray or depose him and mostly winning. When he was captured, and imprisoned, he came back to rule again. He created forests of rotting bodies of his enemies. He's an expert in understanding the limits, limitations, and blind spots of the kinds of civilized, decadent creatures of the sort Screwtape is.

Here's how it plays out:

Wladislaus Dragwlya, vaivoda partium Transalpinarum, Son of the Dragon, Impaler Lord, invites Screwtape to his castle for a drink. Screwtape, who knows it's a trap, comes anyway because

1. He's a spirit and Vlad can't actually hurt him -- he has nothing to be afraid of
2. Although he denies it, he's flattered by the invitation and thinks it'll make him look good around the office. Vlad, after all, is freaking royalty and Screwtape, despite himself, is a Britt and Britts do love their royals, even sub-germanics
3. So he goes...
4. Screwtape arrives, floating ethereally, and makes subtle fun of Vlad as they talk. Screwtape considers just blasting the guy or getting inside his head, but that would be barbaric, so he holds off, figuring he'll tempt Vlad to stay out all night and join him for a bar-b-q and a good laugh at daybreak.
5. Old Slubgob, who's been hiding in the pantry, jumps out stabs Screwtape through his dark little heart with  deadly sliver of the True Cross, stolen from Rome by a corrupt Pope, and taped to the end of a fire-poker. As Screwtape expires on the floor, Slubgob thanks Vlad for giving him chance to get even with "That Guy Who Ran Me Down In His Book" and heads off for the Academy, while Vlad enjoys his victory with a carafe of O+

Well played, Slubgob. Well played.